Dear

I he dont think HE ever read my blog, but if he does, he'll be laughing on how silly i am.

I thought i could spent my fasting month with him,i taught i could bake for him a cake. I thought u'll be here to give me strenght and courage , but that was just my thoughts.

I guess in this world there must be sumone that has to suffer. Thats just how life goes.

Roslin,

you got to promise to urself that u will not let any of this happen again.It doesnt matter if you fall, u have to get up and be strong.And if you feel like crying, cry all you want, but when its time to stop, move on, dont give up. No one is your strenght, it comes within yourself. NEVER EVER GIVE UP ROSLIN, YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU'LL MAKE IT. IGNORE SITUATION THAT MAKE YOU CRY OR DISCOURAGE YOU, THEY ARE JUST KILLING YOU INSIDE. LIVE WITH WHAT YOU GOT NOW. GOD HAS PLANS FOR YOU. WHAT EVER HAPPEN HAS A GOOD REASON TO ALL, ITS THE BEST FOR YOU..

ROSLIN, YOUVE BEEN THRU THIS A COUPLE OF TIMES, THIS IS JUST ANOTHER TEST. TAKE THIS AS A CHALLANGE. YOU FAIL NOT BECAUSE YOUR A FAILURE, BUT JUST BECAUSE GOD KNOWS WHAT BEST FOR YOU.

YOU CARE FOR HIM SO MUCH AN ALWAYS PUT HIS FEELINGS BEFORE YOURS, BUT HE DOESNT REALLY CARE, THEN WHY SHOULD YOU ROSLIN. Furthermore you dont deserve him, he is using you as a place to spent his boredom. dont let it be this way.

I just have this side passion about children pyschology. Not to be a pre school teacher but more for my own knowledge which i find very beneficial in the future. Well sumtimes if we are observant enuf, we realise that what ever happen during ur childhood, it play a huge part in how you are now. Please refer below:

1. A baby's first attempts to communicate cannot be in words, but can only be nonverbal. She cannot put happy feelings into words, but she can smile. She cannot put sadness or angry feelings into words, but she can cry. If her smiles receive a response, but crying is ignored, she can receive the harmful message that she is loved and cared for only when she is happy. Children who continue to get this message through the years cannot feel truly loved and fully accepted.

- Simillar to adults. Sometimes you realise that people around you come to you only when your happy and not when ur angry or sad. This is a norm in life. Take time to observe, dont be suprise when even your close ones be this way towards you. Life is a cycle, when one was treated this way during childhood, this child will give the same reaction towards the other party.

Solution
To my best opinion, never leave a child to cry on its own or ignore thou sumtimes it is the best way to make them stop. Acknowledge thier feeling by talking to them, the least you could do is to come to them and have a small chat. This will make them feel secure and safe and for the fact they will be entertain and stop crying. However do not overdo. Learn to leave them sumtimes and then come back to them when they stop crying afterwhich tell them why u left them alone. They may have tiny brains and canoot converse with you but remember, they will understand otherwise they wont have feelings rite.....


To be continue...........................

Iam living life pretty well. Moving on slow but constantly improving. Past is past rite. Nothing much i could do to change what has been done. I am not running.At times i do look back, just for learning points. I have eyes to see and brains to think. Things are very obvious but i shall just wait and see. There is nothing i got to lose. We cant have everything in life. There is sumtink that we have to forgo and maybe fate have made me forgo sumtink which i think i should as i dont deserve it.
Well if i care so much what makes me think that he care any lesser. If iam sincere, what makes it sincere towards me. Words are just words that any tom dick and harry can create and say.
For who knows, i was lying too.
LIFE IS CONFUSING BUT WHATEVER!

Sumone who use to be a superhero in my heart, sumone i look upon. I taught i found sumone close to my dad, but god, i was wrong. No matter how much i move on, my mind can never stop asking what do i do to deserve this. Should he tell me earlier, things can be clear. I look thru every past, it makes me wonder and keep wondering.

dEAR GOD, MY STRENGHT CANT LAST LONG, I NEED YOU TO PROVIDE MY STREGHT.
FOR IAM JUST A WEAK HUMAN SEEKING FOR STRENGHT ...

ROS

Dear god,

I AM LONELY INSIDE, IVE BEEN SPENDING MY TIME IN AND OUT THE OFFICE. RUNNING FOR DEADLINES AND IAM HALFWAY DEAD.

I FOUND A JOY IN MY HEART, ITS DANISH AND NADIRAH, THE ONLY PPL THAT CAN CREATE A SMILE IN MY HEART. WHEN THEY ARE IN MY ARMS, I FORGET HOW UNFAIR IS THIS WORLD AND I FORGET WORK.THANK YOU GOD FOR BRINGING THEM TO ME. TAPI SAYANG, THEY CAME FRM A SHAKY FAMILY. DEAR GOD, ALL I ASK FOR IS TO MAKE THEM STRONG.

I CRY INSIDE TO HEAR THEM CALL OUT FOR THIER MUM WHEN THEIR MUM IS NOT THERE.WILL I BE LIKE THEIR MUM ONE DAY? NOTHING SCARES ME MORE THAN THAT.

dEAR GOD BLESS ME TO BE A RESPONSIBLE LOVING MOTHER IF I HAVE MY OWN CHILDREN ONE DAY. I WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT I LOVE THEIR FATHER, THEM AND THE WHOLE FAMILY. THATS THE ONLY DREAM THAT I MUST ACHIEVE NO MATTER WHAT OBSTACLE I MUST CROSS

I SEE BACK THE WORDS BEFORE, I CRY, ITS ALL LIES. ,REDHA IS THE ONLY WORD I AN DESCRIBE RITE NOW,Dunia penuh dgn sandIWARA.

Spare me strength and joy in my heart

I really gona cry sooner or later. I dont know who to share my stress with. Is like my daily life surrounds by work and strangers.I dont laugh much anymore. Its always me and myself. I hardly speak a word and only say when theres sumthing to be said.I miss liyana my lunch buddy and the only time that i can be myself. I can tell stories, listen to her stories and etc etc. I really feel lonely now but lonliness cant be seen as myself is too busy with work.



Iam sitting in a cubical and thats aint helping me. Ok iam crying now. Iam not that strong you know theres always one point that i will breakdown in my own space.I dont noe what happen to me. Work suppose to occupy my life and make me happy like before. I guess i miss company and companion. God really testing me inside. He bless me with stress and take away sumtink that i treasure.

To liyana, i really need to see you after ramadan. You have no idea how bored to death and stress iam ..

To Ayuni and CT we will go break fast together, been realli stress at work and i tink i need a break. If there is one think i can do, i want to go to sumwhere that i can shot out my feelings.

But one thing for sure ive learn to appreciate life, being more generous, open mind and be able to accpt fate with a smile.

Isit me, that its been hard for me 4 years continueously. First was D then H then F then R. What the hell is going with my life. What wrog have i done ??


Dear god, i know your are blessing me with strenght and i appreciate that.Naturally i am very weak inside,and i guess as time pass by there are many that ive improve to grew the strenght that i lack of. Dear god, i hope there is sumtink good awaiting for me at the end of this journey. Behind this streght ive been trying too much. Sumtimes i had to force the tears out as i really need to cry out .Dear god, bless me,

I had a personal chat with big boss. I can feel the pressure i have internally and externally. I dont know about this business life. There is too many risk to face,challenge to take and ups and downs to go thru. I realize that pride is the key way to push a business and to create relationship also networking. You must be verbally smart to answers challenge.

Pride is sumtink iam lack of. Yes i can do networking, well normal chat but i cant go out there and say ''hey we have this etc etc we can provide ypu this etc etc.'' Iam not the kind of person who go out and boost abot what ive got and what i can offer. Because i dont what to end up with empty promises. Well sumtimes being too humble is business is no good. Eventually ppl dont know who you are. I personally call it Verbal Branding. This is sumtink iam lack off and i guess it time for me to imporve for the sake of business and switch to Roslin after work.
Well i must have both qualities in order to get the deal. Iam new and still learning. There is so much to pick up along the way. The only thing i hope and will always remind myself, work is work, roslin is roslin. No matter what i have to change, nutink will can who am i inside.


Love Ros

Life can pe predictable, it only depands on how you to see it, either be prepare or just ignore.. Many things runs thru my mind this past few weeks. What just happen is a test from god and i accept it.

Mum told me before about a good man. Hard to find one today. I dont know if i was blind before, but i know a mistake that shouldnt be repeated.No matter how much i move on, you left a black mark as you drag me too far. I was quite lucky to be prepared.However, knowing who you are i expect you to be firm be responsible with just providing me all explaination that i deserve. I guess this is just a part of you that i refused to discover, a brave looking man hiding behind his comfort shell. Theres nothing much i can do.

I'll move on along , there must be a reason why god show me this. . If you ask me, its easy to forgive then to forget.All i can do is smile with what ever had happen. Ive should wake up long ago knowing this will happen. I never expect a fairy tale to happen. All i expect is a firm explaination which it seems that u couldnt afford to give.

I dont know if u misuse the love i had offer or what ever feeling u hide behind, i wish i can know this part of you better.Ultimately you are the owner of ur heart and ur deeds. Deep inside your should know and realise. Its the matter of time. Today precautions has to be taken.

Dear god,
I cry inside. i dont know how to anwser myself. its not tears of love, Today a man who i tink can stand as high as my dad just lose my respect. I dont know what is he trying to do but i hope he is able to search his missing pieces before he found his right one. Dear god, during this ramadan month, guide me to a better path. Show me there is a a fine respectable man who still respect a womens feeling. Show me the right one becuase i start to convince myself otherwise.

Many things have been playing in my mind these past few days. Many thing that i can conclude. But as sumone who was left hanging i came to a conclusion that this is not the one.

I need a great responsible guy who treats me the way he wants me to be treated . A guy that never leave a women questioning. I need to be secure. A man that knows what he wants and not just pour a whole word or empty meanings. A man that care for the women the way he wants the women to care for him.A man that knows he not perfect but only perfect in the eyes of his women.
I understand the situation and it gives me a conclusion. A good man doesnt make a women this way even he doesnt love .I am glad that finally god have show me the way. All this while i only feel but not believe. I dont deserve this. If he really appreciate, he would have explain to me form A-Z and not left me as and when he likes as he has no idea how uneasy i feel inside. He may before the perfect person in my life, but now seeing who he is....